tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post2906348128343265860..comments2024-03-27T22:09:22.456-04:00Comments on As I Said...: Query: Friendship Etiquettelsaspaceyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17058968076601943527noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-45230604757350934722013-02-24T10:28:13.473-05:002013-02-24T10:28:13.473-05:00This is such an interesting question, equally inte...This is such an interesting question, equally interesting responses. For me, a friendship should be equal, you shouldn't always be giving and they shouldn't always be taking. I understand how hard it is to stop being friends after 22 years but I would distance myself so I would not be hurt by this person.<br /><br />We are all so different and those of us who are more on the sensitive side tend to hurt more.<br /><br />I would want to have my birthday acknowledged too, even just a text message, it's nice to be remembered on your special day, and it feels good and so easy to do. And I would certainly hope to get a shout out for graduating, that's a huge accomplishment!<br /><br />Happy belated birthday, I hope you had a wonderful day :)Cathehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04700432808654739104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-76997622152745288002013-02-11T10:10:35.378-05:002013-02-11T10:10:35.378-05:00Barbara, yes, you said it exactly the way I couldn...Barbara, yes, you said it exactly the way I couldn't. I am not asking for a big fuss (from anyone) just a simple two-word phrase, no more. The denial of that feels like emotional punishment from this particular person, who by the way, is a he,.lsaspaceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17058968076601943527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-61411587021214569992013-02-10T21:17:47.009-05:002013-02-10T21:17:47.009-05:00I'm exactly like the anonymous commenter above...I'm exactly like the anonymous commenter above! We don't make big deals out of birthdays and therefore it doesn't occur to me to make a big fuss about someone else's birthday. It's not a measure of my feelings about any person at all. My friends know I'm this way and they accept it. Nursebennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01189485210864960894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-36335815939771821872013-02-10T20:49:43.445-05:002013-02-10T20:49:43.445-05:00she has the right to expect you to make her happy...she has the right to expect you to make her happy by ignoring anything that makes her unhappy.<br /><br />you have the right to expect her to make you happy by acknowledging what makes you happy.<br /><br />she can't or won't do it. is she worth it?barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04781816935962671772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-49653752869291341992013-02-10T20:43:28.463-05:002013-02-10T20:43:28.463-05:00Ditto for me on giving someone who hates their own...Ditto for me on giving someone who hates their own birthday a pass on wishing me a happy birthday -- but the college graduation oversight seems rather ungenerous. Even healthy friendships ebb and flow. Maybe it is time for this one to offer some distance.Antoinettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09398754886656482414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-47073675878981349632013-02-10T19:40:27.139-05:002013-02-10T19:40:27.139-05:00Honestly the birthday thing wouldn't bother me...Honestly the birthday thing wouldn't bother me at all. Because the person had problems with her/his biirthday and obviously with other peoples birthdays as well. <br /><br />But the graduation thing would bother me big time considering this person knew how much it meant to you. <br /><br />And your words about this person on how they make you FEEL makes me wonder the basis of this friendship at all. Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04990191457997877760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-85047207277119143112013-02-10T17:26:37.022-05:002013-02-10T17:26:37.022-05:00As others have said, it may be time to re-evaluate...As others have said, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship with this individual. In the past few years, I've done just that with two individuals who just don't see "friendship" anyway near the way I do and I was constantly getting annoyed and/or getting my feelings hurt... <br />NO, it is not typical not to wish a friend a happy birthday (when you know they enjoy the good wishes) or, for that matter, acknowledge AND congratulate on achieving a college degree. Kathiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13184312953659471770noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-29424626153409649662013-02-10T15:20:59.249-05:002013-02-10T15:20:59.249-05:00Anonymous, thank you for your honest answer. May I...Anonymous, thank you for your honest answer. May I ask how do you handle the birthdays of your long-term friends. Would you say happy birthday to them if you were in contact with them on the day?lsaspaceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17058968076601943527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-47069803900436472172013-02-10T15:05:03.020-05:002013-02-10T15:05:03.020-05:00I don't really celebrate my birthday and don&#...I don't really celebrate my birthday and don't like getting cards and gifts. I would feel obligated to then reciprocate which I feel manipulates me. My long-term friends know that I not a fan of adult birthdays but they still love me and know that is just what I believe. If someone wishes me a happy birthday I smile and say thanks but if they don't I don't even notice and just get on with my day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-87641301645291312682013-02-10T14:39:05.073-05:002013-02-10T14:39:05.073-05:00I agree with both Juli and Enie. If this were me ...I agree with both Juli and Enie. If this were me (and I've been in this situation before - possibly we all have) I'd take some time to consider if I like and care for this person enough to continue with the relationship, given how unhappy it makes me feel. Usually the answer is no, and I try to think of that person as an acquaintance rather than a friend from that point on. I like to give people a lot of chances, but at some point, sometimes you have to decide not to be a doormat.<br /><br />To me, it doesn't sound as if this person is being a very good friend to you; you deserve better.<br /><br />And: Happy Birthday! Mine is this month too :-)Gailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11189513869927434997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-59660459972859969672013-02-10T14:17:49.400-05:002013-02-10T14:17:49.400-05:00This a tough one......but unfortunately we can onl...This a tough one......but unfortunately we can only be responsible for our own actions. Although you would like your friend to acknowledge your birthday, it won't happen unless she wants to do this :-(<br /><br />BTW, I'm having a giveaway on my blog for St Patrick's Day. You or some of your readers may want to swing by and have a look<br />http://renovatinglpa.blogspot.ie/2013/02/competition-time.htmlAodhnaithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03444314178459813011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22008807.post-48650513950399615162013-02-10T14:13:03.230-05:002013-02-10T14:13:03.230-05:00Ahh, I've learned the hard way that the length...Ahh, I've learned the hard way that the length of a relationship doesn't equal the quality of one. I think it's unfair to call this a friendship when it isn't reciprocal. It is wonderful that you are mindful of this person's need not to have their birthday acknowledged but you should also get your needs met as well. And a college graduation is a huge accomplishment (not a birthday) and most normal people acknowledge accomplishments like that. Just my 2 cents - I hope things improve with the situation. Be well.JuliNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11522562002454342787noreply@blogger.com