I Must Not Should Myself...

I must not should myself...

I must not should myself...

" "

I realized a few weeks ago that every thing on my To-Do list is a should instead of a want.

Sometimes I'm so involved in thinking of all the things I need to get done that I overburden my mind before I can even start and end up paralyzing myself.

No wonder I feel exhausted and overwhelmed even though nothing seems to be getting done.

Just a few highlights of the never ending list:

• Get a job to sustain myself after 9 months of loan-supported freedom.
• Get great grades in this semester's Grad school-level class.
• Learn HTML and CSS in order to update my blogs and to add those skills to my resume.
• Volunteer for more organizations. (finally made a Habitat for Humanity orientation meeting!)
• Put up ten birch shelves in the living room.
• Put up 20 or more pictures on my walls.
• Make two shirts, 3 dresses, and hem 3 pairs of pants.
• Paint a table, one armoire, and one bedroom dresser.
• De-clutter all of my closets and get rid of unneeded items.
  

The sad thing is a lot of the home items on the list are from last year's list. Every time I remove something from last year's list, I don't feel that it is an accomplishment, it is more often accompanied by a ‘Whew, that’s done, check it off the list, on to the next one!’ I can't seem to enjoy it as something that I actually wanted to do instead of something I HAD to do.

So what is it that I actually WANT?

1. Make more friends in town.
2. Obtain a job that challenges me and that I enjoy.
3. Find time for a man I like and that likes me.
4. ...oh yeah, finish up my degree. You know, the whole reason I moved back to this city in the first place.