Monday, January 12, 2015

Changes Must Be Made

It's the beginning of a new year and in order for it to be an improvement over the worst year of my life (2014) major changes must be made.

I found last year that even though sewing was a great release from the constant stress and/or malaise I was experiencing the final result was not satisfying. First there was the fact that sewing time was hard won and projects took a long time whether I was motivated to finish them or not.

Then the knowledge that I would have no occasion to wear these clothes or my other past handmade garments was depressing. I have no social life here and no time to cultivate one with my inconsistent retail hours. I just worked seven 8-hour days in a row! I don't know for sure but that is something I know would never have happened in any office job I've ever had without a conversation happening between employer and employee first, right?

Sewing was the least that I could do to calm myself down when work conflicts or arguments with my father occurred.

Therefore, I doubt there will be much sewing in the future as I try to secure a new more "healthy for me" job/life. I need to pursue an office job where I can use my hard-won skills, experience, and again feel intelligent and accomplished.

I will be reading from a more selective list of blogs that correspond more directly to my own style since keeping up with the 80+ Bloglovin' group I currently read has become another wildly successful procrastination tool. Also, my love of Internet TV will need to decrease. My consumption is crazy, especially when it concerns British programs.

I do have a huge fear, as sewing has been my only joy (however compromised) that I have, I am scared what might become of me without it.

I don't want to get used to this lifestyle any more than I already have. I heard someone say that "the life you are living now is the life you deserve". Hell no! This is the life my emotionally broken-down self started to think was all I was worth, which is not the same thing at all. My life has been so much better than this and I HAVE to believe it will be that again.


MaryEllen said...

I'm sorry to hear you have had such a rough year & I hope 2015 will be better. I think that even tho you think you might not have an occasion or place to wear what you've made - all sewing is learning & hopefully you've learned some thing or techniques .
My other suggestion which has helped me tremendously is to sew for charities . That way I spend my time doing something I love, but helping even one other person makes me feel better. Clothing items that you don't like for ypurself can be donated ???
Just my 2cents

Gail said...

Very best wishes for you, Lisa :-)

K.Line said...

It will most definitely be better again! I once went through a TERRIBLE period professionally (well, more than once, in truth) but during this phase it was horrid. I didn't believe things would ever change, but they did. And now (while things are in no way perfect), I do have a very interesting job. So keep the faith. This is a moment in time. xo

Kathy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your year. May you find what you are looking for in 2015!

Bella said...

my 2014 was awful too. I had a job that was literally making me start to want to kill myself, a horrible house and, what I know now but didn't realise back then, an emotionally abusive spouse. I left all three.

Glad to hear you're making the changes you need to feel better. Hope that it starts helping soon. Life is too short to be miserable if you can do something about it. x

Mugsy's in Stitches said...

Oh dear - nothing worse than feeling as though you're spinning your wheels in a dead-end job and going nowhere in life...ummm, that's a case of the pot feeling sympathy for the kettle, actually. Make the change, you'll feel so much better about yourself and your life. :)

Keep in touch, if you like... :)

Alice said...

Aw sorry to hear about the rubbish year that you had :( I hope 2015 will be better! It's great that sewing has a calming effect on you, and I am with you on the frustration that not wearing what you've sewn provides!

Audrey said...

Having spent time with you and knowing your background and interests, I was a bit concerned the retail job was not a good thing. I am praying for you to have lots of success in the job hunt. Have you considered signing up with a temp agency that provides high quality candidates for administrative, training and management positions? Quite often those short term positions turn into permanent positions. You have a lot to offer, Don't forget that and promote yourself accordingly! It is also hard to move back in with parents. Hope thing improve in that area and you can get back to enjoying your sewing.

Summer Flies said...

Audrey gives great advice... as does K Line. I hope 2015 brings you non retail work and places to wear your lovely hand made outfits!