Changes Must Be Made

It's the beginning of a new year and in order for it to be an improvement over the worst year of my life (2014) major changes must be made.

I found last year that even though sewing was a great release from the constant stress and/or malaise I was experiencing the final result was not satisfying. First there was the fact that sewing time was hard won and projects took a long time whether I was motivated to finish them or not.

Then the knowledge that I would have no occasion to wear these clothes or my other past handmade garments was depressing. I have no social life here and no time to cultivate one with my inconsistent retail hours. I just worked seven 8-hour days in a row! I don't know for sure but that is something I know would never have happened in any office job I've ever had without a conversation happening between employer and employee first, right?

Sewing was the least that I could do to calm myself down when work conflicts or arguments with my father occurred.

Therefore, I doubt there will be much sewing in the future as I try to secure a new more "healthy for me" job/life. I need to pursue an office job where I can use my hard-won skills, experience, and again feel intelligent and accomplished.

I will be reading from a more selective list of blogs that correspond more directly to my own style since keeping up with the 80+ Bloglovin' group I currently read has become another wildly successful procrastination tool. Also, my love of Internet TV will need to decrease. My consumption is crazy, especially when it concerns British programs.

I do have a huge fear, as sewing has been my only joy (however compromised) that I have, I am scared what might become of me without it.

I don't want to get used to this lifestyle any more than I already have. I heard someone say that "the life you are living now is the life you deserve". Hell no! This is the life my emotionally broken-down self started to think was all I was worth, which is not the same thing at all. My life has been so much better than this and I HAVE to believe it will be that again.

Uniformity Blows

I have never worn a uniform before*.

The kids across the street went to private school but I never envied them their uniforms even though school uniforms are supposed to not only be a pop culture fetish but also a fashion look that comes back every once in a while.

In any retail job I've ever had, the only clothing rules I followed had more to do with how messy you would get at the job - when I was a coffee barista, I had to worry about oil stains from the coffee beans - or how cold you would get in typical office air conditioning. Otherwise, what I wore was my own choice. Even my non-retail, corporate jobs have been office casual and I pretty much wore what I wanted.

The clothes I'm wearing for this job I would normally only wear at home. The shirt is one I actually stopped wearing in public years ago when I realized the knit is so off grain that the button placket eventually pulls diagonally across the body and needs constant adjustment. However, it happens to be navy blue, so it's the right color, and the only piece of clothing in this color that I own. I've been trying to make myself buy some fabric to make a better substitute but all the navy fabric I've seen in Joann's and Hancock's were dull and uninteresting. Also, the thought of making something that I don't really want to be wearing in the first place is depressing...like sewing my own hospital gown...why do that?

Note: I just went out and bought two navy t-shirts from Old Navy on sale, $8 for both! You can't beat that.

I now see how important clothes have been and are in my life. No one can see ME now. I have become my uniform, my graying hair (can't decide if I grow it out or not), and my sensible shoes (worn b/c standing on my feet all day).

Anyone else out there wearing a uniform, or am I the only one, in this sewing community, that is?

Has it done anything to your self-esteem?

*Except for a few months in the Brownies/Girl Scouts.

Life Update: Updated

Yesterday was the all-day orientation - still don't know what the job really entails. Have another day of testing before I even step foot in my department. I am so discombobulated right now.

Luckily, I will start volunteering on Sunday for the Hampton History Museum during the annual Blackbeard Pirate street festival*. It's pretty cool, for them, the fact that I'm an Art History major is actually a coup. Whaddaya know?  Made two new tops (details to come soon) thinking I would wear one but now the temperature's done a drastic turn and I'm wearing warm layers again!

*Funny thing, if the weather stays cool I could actually put together a decent pirate-y outfit just from stuff in my closet (yes, I know!). But would that be too much for a first-time volunteer? Maybe after my shift I'll change then and come back to see the museum's Steampunk exhibit? Of course, in that environment the outfit might seem lame.

Life Update: Employed Again

I just got a job. It is my first time in a full-time retail position since the 1990s and it is with a national company. I know my pay rate* and title, but not really what the job is all about yet. I have never been hired for a job before without an actual sit-down interview. It all came down to my online application, a drug test, and I guess the fact that when I arrived at the store I had no visible tattoos, piercings, and could be understood when I answered some basic questions that were not really work related. I am used to corporate and government hiring practices and this struck me as such a strange way to hire someone, but from what I observed it was the way it is done. Mysteries abound. Before I start, I will attend an all-day orientation where I will find out exactly what the job entails. Well, I hope so.

The funniest thing is for the first time I will be wearing a uniform of sorts, a solid color shirt and khaki pants. I get to choose them myself so be assured they will fit well and have some style to them. However, my already existing wardrobe and all my future sewing projects will not be seen on a daily basis. :(

Unrelated, and not just as a way to wear cute clothes (and justify my stash) but I am also volunteering with a local history museum and a cultural arts organization. So that is how and where I will express my sartorial joy. Whew!


*Why am I consistently making less money the older I get? This, I do not like.

I Must Be A Real Sewing Blogger Now...

if I wasn't one before, I just got myself a part-time job at a fabric store!

How much of a stereotype am I?

I will be working some weekend hours at Quilting Adventures at Willow Lawn.

Yes. It is a fabric store and yes, that could be dangerous. They carry the greats, like Moda, Alexander Henry, Amy Butler, some gorgeous Kaffe Fasset, Kokka, However, they are in the process of phasing out their garment fabric so I should be okay. Unless, of course I get hooked on making quilts (see below).

As part of my training I am required to take a beginner quilt class in order to be familiar with the process. I will be making a Four Patch quilt. So, expect to see trial color and pattern fabric combinations here when the time comes.

One of those days...

I'm having one of those days that is so bad you have a hard time thinking about it and when you think about it your stomach knots up.

All I want to do is procrastinate (like writing on my blog, cutting out a new dress, doing laundry) instead of dealing with it. I need a new job.

I put my car in the shop because it desperately needed it. Loud mystery noises, no AC during the hottest June on record here, and the VA state inspection was due. Now my car is stuck at the mechanics because the only credit card I still have does not have the space for this repair and I do not have the cash for it either. I was so sure I had at least $200 available, but no.

So, besides that I literally do not have the money to get through this month especially if my landlord expects the full rent payment. However, I'm hoping I can get a few hundred off that because of the lack of ac for an entire week and the expected higher electricity bills for the two portable AC units that they put in place now. I did sell a pattern today but $7 isn't really going to help much. How did I do this to myself?!!!!

This is SO True, and it works!

I just came across this article, "No reply to your Resume? Here's why" on CNNMoney.com and it put things in perspective for me. I hope it helps someone else too. Sending it in via a friend who also recommends you, works too.

This article was also very helpful since my resume had two of the 10 "deadly" phrases in it. However, I really do have excellent communication skills!!!

What Did I Do Today?

• I am watching 1959's "The Best of Everything" with the DVD commentary. Already saw it earlier this week with close captioning and after this viewing, will be watching it again for the clothes. Great screen captures here at Sweet Sunday Mornings' lovely, lovely site. Also check out the lovely mid-century office design in this link from the B.E.L.T site.
  
  
• Searching online for job possibilities, in event planning, public relations, or non-profit work related to affordable housing, children and women health issues, and shelter animals.
  
  
• Reading more Agatha Christie. I used to read them a lot when I was a pre-teen (yes, that young!) Now I'm addicted to reading all the ones I never read or can't remember who the murderer is. This one is the eleventh (plus a book of Miss Marple short stories) in the last two months.
  
  
• I opened an Etsy shop, Dragonfly. I still have a lot of work to do on it though.

Say It Ain't So...

Oh, well.

The irony is, that this week, I've worn two outfits that were SO much cuter and stylish than what I wore to that interview. I made the mistake of confusing myself with what I previously knew about interviewing for my former jobs (mostly corporate-lite) than trying to get a job somewhere that was so individually unique from my past experience. I should have worn what I felt great in hoping that it would have translated to the interviewer.

In short, I should have sold 'the best me I could be' and not what I thought they wanted, which only resulted in me feeling lacking.

NOTE: I'm not saying I didn't get the job because of the way I was dressed. Not at all. I'm saying that I didn't feel confident in myself because of my ambivalence about my outfit and I let it affect the way I felt and presented myself. Also, the "ma'am" thing really did disarm me.

You live - you learn.

Ma'am IS a Four-Letter Word

I had an interview last Monday for seasonal help at a retail store I think most of my readers would love to work at or better yet have the money to shop there whenever they pleased. I was so wrecked getting ready for the interview. They normally hold group interviews but I got a solo one. Weather this was a good call or not we will see.

The weather had turned suddenly that weekend; what was 80-90 degrees the day before was now in the 50s that morning. The incredibly cute outfit I had been planning on wearing was no longer going to work. So I needed something warm to wear. I grabbed a long blazer coat that was a winner when I was working a more corporate job. Hey, it still wasn't traditional, it was more of a frock coat length, but yes, there were no fun ripply labels, bows, or corsages. However, I was wearing my cool Clark pumps and chocolate brown fishnets.

However, I was also wearing my glasses, which I don't show on my blog but which (I think) age me a few years. So when I walk into the store, the manager lets me know she'll be right with me. And get this? She ends that statement with the dreaded word, ma'am. I'd been "ma'amed"!

And when I left the store later (I looked around after the interview) the sales person at the door (who definitely saw me interviewing) said..." Have a nice day, ma'am"

I window shop there often and have never had them say that before to me. That's not a good sign is it? Damn my wardrobe!

Wish me luck, none-the-less.

My mood and my money...

and my money and my mood.

Here is something just in time for National Honesty Month. I was reading through my blogs and in a post on Already Pretty I saw this line:

"The main problem I have is that the act of spending money is strongly linked to both independence and power in my mind."

Sally McGraw

Wow. At this point in time, I have neither. And it's a good guess that might be the source of my mental lethargy and depression. I have a job that I took "temporarily" (almost two years ago) to get a foot into a career field, hoping that it would be a stepping stone to something bigger and better. By taking this job, I took a pay cut on top of the one I had taken when I moved back to Richmond five (long) years ago. With school loans and the general rise in the cost of living, that hasn't turned out to be a good idea. It's even worse than the "take a year off, get a loan, and finish your college degree" idea I had before this job. That degree is still AWOL and that money is now due.

I do live alone (for now) but that doesn't mean I am independent. The money (which means security to me) is just not there.

It's not that I have a spending problem. I don't. This is just my regular bills that are a problem, along with three school loans that I have to repay because I'm not in school this semester. However, to get those bills back in remission, I'd have to enroll in two classes and put that $2,000 (tuition & books) on one of my credit cards in order to attend. Which would then increase my minimum monthly payments and well... a Catch 22 abounds.

I used to be SO good with money, I was that lone kid in college who really did only use their credit card for emergencies.

So, at this point, I am just taking it step by step, day by day.

Getting Things Done...

What I did this weekend:

• Worked on the yellow sheet dress muslin. You know how you look to the wrinkles to figure out the fitting problems? Oy vey, do I have a lot of work to do!
• Rewrote my resume. It's less descriptive but it does all fit on one side of the paper. Do you think the fact that the top margins are less than 1/2 inch matters that much? ;)

But most importantly...

• Make these dresses for my nieces and must be done by August 8.

Simplicity 2804
View A top made as a dress


One down, one to go!

Does It Ever End?

Due to some last minute signatures needed from the VA State government, I had to stay home today from work. So, yes even more money I won't get paid this week.

Job, Schmob...

What a kick in the head...

Everyone in the US is currently trying to KEEP the jobs that they currently have. However, I can't afford to stay at my job any longer. I am in the hole every month due to my school loan payments and the minimum payments of a credit card or two. I also can't afford to continue with school any time soon. Without my tax refund, who knows where I would be today. Seriously.

So, out in the job market I must go. I have a great idea for a side business for extra money; however, I don't make enough money that I can leisurely wait the one to two months to get it up and running.

I always believed in doing something that you were actually interested in, if not love. However, it seems I tend to like the unappreciated jobs; basically anything involved in keeping old things around like buildings.

The resume was rewritten months ago but it was written around my strengths in event planning and logistics. So I have to rewrite it now to emphasize the more marketable administrative assistant-type things that I do that I don't necessarily love or enjoy.

So that's what's weighing on my mind recently.

Psst! On a lighter note, don't forget about my giveaway!

Thank You!

Thank you for the virtual hugs, I really appreciate the support.

Well, I sadly realized I wasn't in shock...I just wasn't surprised by the situation. The last two years have been bad in terms of forward momentum (none) and achieving goals (slow-going). Just as I think I'm almost done with school - BAMM! - two more classes.

Which really is more of a problem than it seems. I already knew I would have to take another loan to pay for the Spring semester but now I have to add the cost of three more classes to that amount. I also have learned that two classes at a time with a full-time job is extremely difficult and there's no way I could do three. My original plan was to do two in the Spring. My college has a summer semester where all the classes are at a set time 5 days a week in 4 to 5 week sessions. Hey, do other colleges do this? The only time I was able to participate in this system was when I was either unemployed or two years ago when an employer allowed me to cut my hours down to 35 per week. I think that is the only way I could even attempt to do this again. However, this time it would be all summer long in order to fit three classes and I have a job which barely allows me to pay my bills each month as it is.

So that's my dilemma. I need to work to pay for them but I need less work to study for them or to even attend them. So, I'm polishing up the resume (alongside all the newly laid-off people in my town.) Woo hoo, this is going to be fun.

Can you sense how much I want this to be over?

Ciao for now...

Due to outside complications and the fact that I am having a doozy of an allergy attack (can't concentrate, have no energy) blogging at An Examined Life will be taking at least a week's rest. I hope it doesn't take much longer but I need to handle a few things (health, school, job, maybe an additional job(?) etc.)

If you miss me, then check out my blog roll. You'll never be bored with those folks. See you soon!

Wedding 08: Quick Update

Just a quick update to anyone who's interested. There will be more thoughts after I've recovered and processed it all:

• First of all, everything worked out! No vendors failed me (they ALL excelled!), no rain (which was in the forecast earlier in the week), no one passed out from the heat (a miracle!), and the Bride loved all the surprises that the Groom and I had secretly planned (see one below)!
  
  
• I was running around so much I didn't get to see the ceremony BUT the timing was perfect in that my having to chase the best man, who forgot his corsage, I did get to the Bride just in time to arrange her train, tell her how gorgeous she looked, (I hadn't seen her dress before!) and see her start down the aisle with her dad.
  
  
• The reception site is separated from the ceremony site by a slight hill and a stone fence, so when I could get the chance, I would peek over the fence to see how the ceremony was going.
  
  
• We worked about an hour late on schedule the whole evening but there is only so much you can do to rush a bride and groom from a cellphone. I still think we got out of the park by deadline. (I don't know because (bad planner!) the only person who was wearing a watch was the caterer.)

• I didn't get to take many pictures so now I have to wait like everyone else. However, when they get the pictures in, I'll have some up here.
  
  
• The room ended up looking so lovely, despite it's sad beginnings as a conference room.

• During setup, the draping wasn't working so I made the executive decision to have them stop. Note to future brides, 50 yards of tulle goes nowhere, we would have needed 400 yards just to be safe. It was just the wrong weave material for the job. Thank god the bride trusted my judgment when she asked and I told her what I did. If need be though, the floral designer said she has my back.

The Getaway 1956 Rolls Royce

I've done back-to-back conferences with hundreds of people and assisted on events attended by royalty and a recent female candidate for president, but doing a wedding for a friend was a totally different story. Nerve wracking, in fact.

No matter how many times someone said it was perfect, or I was doing a great job, I couldn't just take the praise. This is what I still need to process.

Wedding 08: Countdown!

The ceremony location, the Italian Gardens in Maymont Park

I don't know how many more posts you'll see from me this week. The wedding is only two days away, but I think I may have a few more wedding-related posts in me.

I have also been doing a little sewing so I'll get back to writing about that next week too. I made a teal blue petticoat!!

Wish us* luck!

Photo by diana.penn on Flickr

*The bridal couple and me, their friend and event coordinator

A Quick Check-in

Sorry I don't have time for a real post, but this is what's going on.

• Have midterms this week.
• Was interviewed by a local home magazine about my other blog, SHELTER.
• Might become a weekly correspondent for a larger home decor blog.
• Loving my job at the Archives and finding some incredible out-of-print architecture books there. (I will write about them later at SHELTER.)
• Purging clothes from my wardrobe that leave me feeling less than happy. I will now need to replenish. ; )
  
• Might be buying the quilt and sham set below from Target and use my Xmas gift card.
  

• Or perhaps one of these bedside lamps from Target's nursery line.

Pinwheel Splash

The Power of Wishing

Remember this?
And this?

Well, I start work Monday at 8:30 am.

I will be working with a state agency in their archives department!

Thanks everyone who thought of me.