Sewing Update!

I can't believe it's been months since I wrote anything here. I've been thinking sewing if not doing it during the quarantine.

I have been lucky in the fact that my job had us start working from home the second week of March. My sewing room-slash-guest room added another name and use as a work-from-home office.

I first attempted a reorganization of my supplies, which made some improvement but needs more. I created separate binders that hold all the printed-out copies (the majority) of my PDF patterns; all my fitting and alteration tutorials and research; and another for general home repair and craft projects.

Unfortunately, I still have enough fabric that I have more than the plastic bins can hold, and some fabrics are in garbage bags. I'm not too fond of the message that is sending.

So, the main goal this summer was working through my immediate summer/fall projects. Instead of having yardage in various drawers, bins, and bags, I wanted it instead worn on my body. 

However, summer got away from me. Unfortunately, I hurt my back more than a month ago. I believe the chair I was using to work-from-home was the culprit. I've been seeing a chiropractor for that last three weeks and am slowing starting to sew again. You see, since the injury, I couldn't sit upright for weeks, so there was no sitting down in front of my machine. I've just started to sew again.

First on the list are some simple tops from leftover pieces of fabric in the stash. One top is a modified square with armholes. Another is my makeunder of the Assembly Line Cuff Top, which I can't seem to forget. I saw a picture of the actual pattern piece on Instagram, and I am attempting my version. 

I did buy more fabric, but it was all for quick makes, and unfortunately, both my sewjo and my back died, and most are still waiting. 

I have some cotton blends I bought back in 2019 from Joann's, especially for spring and summer tops, which I will STILL make after the muslins. That's what cardigans are for, right? Then I have some of my tried n' true fabric for shorts and a lovely dusky purple linen that I bought before the Jo-Ann Fabrics boycott. 

 

The linen is for a Simplicity 9139 that would replicate this inspiration photo.

After that, I caught a sale from Fabricmart for horizontally striped jerseys, my fabric weakness. Hopefully, one of them will be my first The Friday Company Adrienne blouse, another indie pattern that I've fallen in love with this year. The other two will be simple t-shirts, and luckily these all can be worn for a couple more months.

So, there should be more sewing content soon. But, don't hold me to that.

It's All In The Numbers

Riteaid stores have this thing called higi, a health and wellness kiosk that measures and records certain health data through a procedure that only takes 15 minutes. It records the blood pressure, pulse, weight, and body mass index of an individual.

When I first moved back to Hampton in 2014, I sat down at the kiosk for the first time and recorded my numbers. At that time, my weight was 142 lbs and my BMI was 24.42, normal weight. Two years later, I recorded my numbers and my weight then was 162 lbs with my BMI increased by 3.55 to 27.98. I was now officially categorized as overweight. Oh my.

Note that the weight gain occurred in the years I was working big-box retail. I was a depressive sloth with a strange schedule who had learned how to stress-eat my feelings until I finally escaped that job.

So, now, two more years later; after reaching a high of 170 lbs at 5'4" tall, my exercise routine has me holding steady at 165 lbs. So, I did keep gaining but not at the pace of that first increase and I am currently walking approximately seven miles a week outdoors in this southern heat. So, I'm doing pretty good.

My wardrobe has suffered. As I find things no longer fit or are no longer comfortable, I've been moving them over to one side of my closet. That side is now taking over! So many lovely things that I can no longer wear....

My exercise routine has to increase, despite this heat. I need to take my diet more seriously, eating less is not producing the weight loss, like I hoped. It also isn't that enjoyable. I need to also research more on anti-bloat foods (low FODMAP*) because my stomach is frequently betraying me when I start to think I can wear something cute again. Suggestions about that are very welcome.

One bright light I found is Rini Frey aka @ownitbabe on Instagram. I appreciate her philosophy about accepting your own body and not being too hard on yourself. It has helped.

* Look at the good-to-eat list first, most things can still be enjoyed, just in moderation.

Some New Tasks

A few years ago, I wrote a post about coming to terms with weight gain but never published it. Over time, I've thought to revise it but then something else would come up. However, I have decided to post it as is and leave the numbers and measurements as they were. The issue is much more a part of my life now as I meet the crossroads of losing some age-related weight gain (10-15 lbs) or making new clothes for the new size. But that would be a lot of clothes!

Depending on the day of the week I only have three pairs of pants that fit, two of them are jeans. Only a few skirts truly fit, then there are a few that are nearing unacceptable tightness (I don't believe a straight skirt should cup all under your butt. Sorry, not sorry.) Then there are dresses and tops which fit awkwardly tight around my upper arms and bust. Having thought myself small-busted the majority of my life it was a shock to find myself recently having to attach snaps between buttons on a top to stop gaping! When did I become this busty, what is going on here?

Worst of all, my winter coats can not be fastened over my hips, totally defeating their keeping me warm purposes. However, I must mention that they are both over 15 years old, 'cause coats are expensive, y'all! So thinking of the clothes I just mentioned and the possibility of replacing them all, losing the weight saves me the most money and sewing time. But how to go about it? I've been thin (sometimes too thin) most of my life and living off a high metabolism and junk food for all that time. This is going to be so hard.

I have started taking advantage of my job being situated in a park with its own 5-mile walking trail. I'm doing 1-2 miles every other day to start. This started on a whim without proper shoes or clothes so I was a disgusting, sweaty, and hobbling mess each time. However, I was being entertained and edified by awesome podcasts such as Buffering the Vampire Slayer, Hidden Brain, and Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. Since I believe I can keep this up,* I invested in some supportive walking shoes and some wicking fabric.

New Balance 635 V2 running shoe

I will, of course, reevaluate my diet and while I'm changing my body composition I will simultaneously learn how to properly fit my body. Yes, I will be taking new accurate measurements and developing slopers for tops and bottoms so my new body will be well taken care of!

In the meantime, I may do a little sewing, perhaps the Grainline Morris, finally!! Maybe some tanks and underwear, since I have so many knit scraps and recently invested in some affordable fold-over elastic. Also I have a few baby shower gifts to produce.

However, my next few posts will be on the exciting and interesting measuring and sloper process...

* I just don't allow myself to leave the work parking lot until I've done some walking.

What's Up...

I think it's about time for an update:

• I have a new job! I'm finally back in the museum field after a three-year absence. It's part-time right now and has the potential to become a full-time position as I help my department grow. I volunteered there for a month and was then eagerly asked to apply for the position. I can't tell you how much that confidence boost was needed.

• I was having a hard time finishing sewing projects. I finished two projects that I expected to be super simple and thought I would be making multiples of both. But no, they were both problematic and nearly became UFOs. They're finally done but unfortunately they were summer items and well...

• This attitude negatively affected a pattern testing opportunity I really wanted to participate in. There was no motivation, supplies were ordered late, the eventual recipient of the garment couldn't take accurate measurements, and wouldn't be around for fittings. Feedback was due in a particularly generous time period and I am just now really working on it. I will still submit feedback and pictures

• Pictures are a tiny bit easier because I bought an inexpensive ($30) tripod with a remote from a Lidl grocery store, of all places!

• I mentioned this on Instagram but I finally ordered my garment labels from Dutch Label Shop. My indecision was the worst of me and delayed that purchase for weeks and I still haven't sewn one in yet!

• FYI: I found a source for fold-over elastic (FOE) at Elastic By The Yard. It's available in one, five, and one hundred yard lengths, the last two come wound on spools. Very affordable, quick shipping, and comes in multiple colors and patterns.

• Ok, this one is strange and I would love some feedback on it. Last year, I sought out a gynecologist practice after a recurring problem came back. I had an exam and a ultrasound. Note that these tests were done at another practice in Richmond years ago for the same issue with the same result. Again, nothing abnormal was found but in two subsequent phone calls I received I was told that the doctor recommended two more exploratory procedures, a sonohysterogram and an endometrial biopsy, both of which I declined. There was no additional communication from them on the necessity of my doing them, just those scheduling calls. A few months later, I was sent a letter that effectively "fired" me from their practice and all the other practices associated with them! The reasoning was that I had "failed to participate in my medical care." Well, I feel I definitely participated when I made my choice not to have the tests, right? What do you think?

Well, back to sewing up some warm winter wear, and yes, there is some Jo-Ann-purchased fleece in there!

Oh Hi, 2017, Come On In

Okay, I wasn't going to write about the New year transition. I personally had a bad year and just couldn't wait to see the back of 2016 (I know I'm not the only one!) However, I feel I have to acknowledge the end of one year to truly appreciate the beginning of another.

Since May, I've been in a holding pattern professionally and an apathetic funk emotionally. Physically, I swear I can feel each sign of age and deterioration going on in my body.

Good news is that before the holidays I finally sought help and am slowly pulling myself together. My biggest hurtle right now is not focusing on the decisions that have brought me here. Hindsight has revealed them not to be the best but they were the decisions I made with "the information I had at the time".

One thing that helps me immensely is my love of sewing. Unless, of course I am paralyzing myself with indecision and procrastination for fear of making a mistake. Which, by the way, seems to be the old strategy for running my life that did not work. So I need to change that in order to get back on track. Some of my best and worst experiences, jobs, and relationships seemed to just "happen" without any direct action from me. I have made the mistake of letting my day-to-day life and its circumstances lead me to and fro instead of actively leading the way.

I have some goals for the new year but I'm not making any resolutions. In fact, some of my goals are so basic as to be laughable but when you have been brought low, those are some of the hardest to accomplish. Goals like getting appropriate sleep (I have a bad habit of actually going to bed in the early hours of the next day), eating healthy, and caring about my appearance (I kept putting off fixing a cracked tooth, I don't know when was my last professional haircut, and sometimes I let my gray roots get ridiculous.)

I need to put myself back together again and hopefully you will see signs of the progress here on the blog, whether my sewing output increases or my posts start to reflect more interests and experiences outside of sewing. I'm looking forward to learning a new way of thinking (and reacting) after all these years of my dreams feeling out of reach.

I guess I could say that my overall theme for 2017 is To Be Better.


P.S. One of my smaller goals might involve participating in my first PR weekend!

Battle of the Bulge

WOW, I really didn't mean to disappear for so long! It was a combination of illness and procrastination. I also had a few mending projects to do for a friend, and then made a spectacularly failed UFO.  In fact, that UFO revealed a problem that I apparently had been ignoring for quite a while.

A few months ago, I had to buy a new pair of work pants because I had outgrown the first ones. The thighs were straining and the stitches were about to give up! I also, for the first time experienced my thighs rubbing together when wearing my summer skirts. I was SO not happy.

Since I moved here two years ago, apparently I have gained a large amount of weight and didn't really notice. To put it the only way I can at the moment, I found out that I am now 11 and a half stone. A stone, a unit of weight measure in Britain, Ireland, and Australia; is equivalent to 14 American pounds. It's just easier for me to say it in stones. This is 15 lbs more than when I was weighed 2 years ago.

I was a very thin child in my teens and always susceptible to anemia. In high school, I hated being skinny and in particular did not like my arms. Around that time, I became aware of female bodybuilders like Rachel McLish, Carla Dunlap, Cory Everson, and Gladys Portugues through the 1985 documentary Pumping Iron II: The Women and that resulted in a subscription to Strength Training for Beauty (1984-86) magazine. I ended up purchasing an 110 pound weight set and remember arriving at college with what could be called a decent "six pack."

More than 20 years later, I am now battling a tummy and love handles, along with the aforementioned rubbed thighs and some unattractive underarm flab. There was a warning sign last May when I tried on this muslin and saw this:

 

I noticed I was bustier than I had ever been and had a visible roll of blubber right below my belly button. That was a year ago and obviously I have gained more weight since then. As a result, my body image is completely different than it has been for the past 95% of my life. This is hard to reconcile. 

My measurements have obviously changed but in cutting out my last sewing project, Simplicity 6145, I hadn't grasped that fact yet. While I altered the bodice of Simplicity 6145, combining it with the fit of the Grainline Scout, I still thought I would need to engage some darts in the back to accommodate my swayback. Trying on the basted muslin was such a shock! I could barely shimmy it on. I had not once thought of enlarging the waist area and below. 

So for the last few weeks, I have put off sewing and more importantly taking new measurements for the future. I have succeeded in losing 5 pounds somehow and would love to know that I could remove the other ten just as stealthily but alas diet and exercise must rear their heads for that to happen. I seriously could handle getting used to this "new me" however, I have a wardrobe of delicious clothing that I can't afford to replicate or that have adequate seam allowances for me to alter to fit.

So my dilemma is: sew new clothes in the new size or wait and see? What would you do?

A Change In Plans

Due to circumstances that were unfortunately under my lame control, my life is about to change.  Hopefully for the better.

I am leaving Richmond and moving back to my hometown.  I'm sure long-time readers have noticed an underlying theme running through this blog for a long while, the fact that there were many things I had to deny myself because I lacked the money.  I have some financial issues to clear up as I have been running on fumes for quite a while.  For the last five years I found myself in a job that was meant to have been temporary, which I took to gain experience but for very little money.  At some point, I lost the motivation and confidence to move on and get a job that fully utilized my skills and challenged me.  School loan payments, medical bills, and the misguided notion of living alone drained my resources and filled me with constant stress.  So my goal is to not only pay off debt but to shore up my confidence, and improve my allover health. 

So wish me luck.  Actual sewing by me will be sporadic but what else is new?  I have many (oh so many) draft posts on fashion and style to publish on this blog, so don't go anywhere. I actually have two finished items to show you but packing has gotten in the way of photo shoots and one of the projects is still embargoed.  I do hope to make it back for the Hollywood Costume exhibit at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts in November since I'll only be 90-some miles away, so perhaps I'll see a few of you there?

Unique Sewing-related Boo Boo...

Last Friday night, I tested out my newly sharpened pinking shears. I grabbed about six of my completed garments and finally finished the seams satisfactorily. I had a bit of difficulty with the thicker corduroy pieces but just applied more pressure to power through the layers. At the time, I did feel a bit of numbness in my right thumb but I just kept going until done.

Three days later, the middle and interior side of my thumb still feels numb. Not completely numb but about 50% of it is. Sometimes I think it's healing and I have more feeling and then suddenly it's numb again. I've tried warm to hot water, shaking my arm around to boost circulation, and trying to keep weight off of it but nothing has worked. I did a Google search and loads of people have the same issue but no one has found a definite explanation or a surefire solution. It's not carpel tunnel but consensus is that the nerve has been bruised and that time is the only healer. As this is my right hand that I use for typing, hand sewing, cutting (scissor or rotary) this is a bit of a problem.

Update: I realize from the comments that I should have said I'm not feeling any pain. I can use my hand (and thumb) like normal, it just feels weird.

Updated update: It took a little over a month for full feeling to come back to my thumb. Strange.
Has this happened to any of you before?

Update to the Heat Situation

I doubt anybody has been too worried about how I was making out in the heat, but I thought I'd put out an update anyway for archival purposes.



Here is the improved installation of the little DeLonghi Pinguino (Penguin, get it?) unit in the bedroom, complete with baby blue Tyvek paper over the two windows, a proper hose, and no further use of my personal bathroom towels. It's a bit weird living inside a room that glows blue in the daylight (see below) but it's better than the former 'sweating on top of my sheets before passing out' that was messing with my sleep a while ago.

Daytime with interior lights out*

The Danby Premiere

This is the better situation in the living room. Though there is no access to fresh air, at least here I can still open the curtains and raise the blinds to get some sun. However, in the bedroom, both sunlight and fresh air are out of the question until the replacement ceiling unit is installed.

And guess what? Since these two have been installed, Richmond has just had some of the best cool weather and beautiful, breezy nights.

* Does this remind anyone of the escape from the quarantined house scene in E.T?

Hot enough for you?!!

The air conditioning unit in my apartment has been malfunctioning since last Friday. No AC at all during the weekend and minimal cooling since Monday. The building management has informed me that I need a completely new unit and has lent me a mobile AC unit for the time being. I swear this thing is the size of an old-school R2D2 unit. (I will insert pictures later)



However, whatever cooling air comes out the top of it is immediately overpowered by the pizza-oven-hot air coming out the vent in the back. So let's just say, I have been miserable in my apartment for days. My brain cells run away and hide, I have no energy, and I actually look forward to going to work every day because of the constant AC going on there. Now, that's sad, right?

That right vent is the devil!

Update: I realized I forgot to mention that I live on the third floor (heat rises) and my living room ceilings are 13 feet high (again heat rises) and that is a lot of space for one droid AC unit to cool.

So, basically, all the great plans I came up with last Friday during an all-day work meeting (my little written notes in the margins became brilliant ideas for the future) and the plans I had to sew (including an actual one-hour dress) have all been stalled. The only thing I can do when I go home is try to move as little as possible, turn off all the lights, eat Popsicles, and hover over the unit while avoiding the waves of heat from its' backside.

In addition, here's what I have to look forward to for the next week:

Thurs, Jun 24, PM T-Storms 103°

Fri, Jun 25, Mostly Sunny 96°

Sat, Jun 26, Isolated T-Storms 100°

Sun, Jun 27, Partly Cloudy 103°

Mon, Jun 28, Isolated T-Storms 96°

Tue, Jun 29, Isolated T-Storms 91°

Wed, Jun 30, Partly Cloudy 88°

Thu, Jul 01, Sunny 87°


Pray for me, please?

What Dailyburn.com Has Taught Me...

about myself.

Exactly four weeks ago, when I was taking my little blog break, I decided to conduct an experiment. It seems, within the course of a few weeks I had been seeing a lot about gluten* intolerance and it's symptoms. I found more than just a few of them seemed to describe different things going on with me, so I decided to try to pin it down. Besides a blood test done at the doctor's office, another way to find out is to eliminate gluten from your diet for a month to see if the symptoms subside.

I did a bit of research; I even started another blog which I have since abandoned (see why further on) and found out what items from my prior diet I could still eat and what I would need to buy and eat during this period.

Now this is where I try to let you know just how much this here girl loves bread and wheat-made products; from cooked oats, Cream of Wheat (Duh!!), barley, and whole grain products. To find out one must avoid these things, including cakes, pies, and most CUPCAKES was a daunting thing. However, most of these can be replaced by products made with rice and other grains AND I did find the most delicious cupcakes ever, gluten-free or not. (Shout out to the moist, dense, coconut cupcakes with luscious cream cheese frosting made by 3 Fellers Bakery in Goochland, VA!)

I first started out listing my daily food intake in the new blog, but really wanted the calorie information included. That led me to dailyburn.com, where I could search for my usual food items or enter the dietary information for the items that were not already in their database. After doing this, I didn't want to duplicate the same information into the blog, so I ended up scrapping the blog pretty quickly.

Using dailyburn taught me a few things about my eating habits. Most importantly, I found out that I don't eat enough; rarely making it to 1,000 calories a day, and when I did it was only because I ate half a bag of potato chips or something else high fat and unhealthy. I sometimes exceeded the carbohydrates or fat I should be consuming per day; however, I was always far below the amount of protein that I needed daily. No wonder I felt sluggish and tired all the time, my body wasn't getting enough nutrients to create any energy.

It was shocking to find out that on a regular basis I've only eaten about 800 calories a day when the normal calorie count recommended in order to maintain my weight would be 1600 to 1800 calories a day! I also frequently skip breakfast. So, I definitely believe that the body can go into "starvation mode" and hold on to calories and pounds. Because despite this calorie deficit I've been under for months , I hadn't noticed any weight loss which it seems I should have experienced having effectively cut what is considered a normal calorie count in half! Not that I want to lose any weight, but presumably my metabolism is now so extremely slow because of this (and my sedentary lifestyle), that my body is not letting go of anything!

So this is what I need to work on:

EAT breakfast!
Add more protein to my diet on a daily basis
Take my daily vitamin daily
Eat more vegetables (a rare occurrence, unless I eat out) and fruit
Get some exercise
Drink more water ( I've been recording only 2-3 glasses a day.)
Develop a consistent sleep pattern. Instead of falling into bed after midnight and having an understandably hard time getting up in the morning (after thoroughly exhausting all of the snooze options at my command)

* Gluten is a form of protein found in many grains, such as wheat, barley, and rye.

S Is For Sucky Health Insurance

Well, I have to get a crown for my tooth. But I wasn't able to get it Friday. Why not?

Get this. My insurance company could not be reached. The receptionist tried to get through to Member Services first for a half hour while I waited in reception and then continued trying while I was being examined. Yup. Can you believe that? Some message said the department was not available and in a meeting? At 9 to 10AM in the morning. Whaa?

So my dentist will be calling me Monday IF they can get through to this HUGE insurance company and let me know how much it will be. Then we reschedule so I can take even more time off of work ( I get paid by the hour!) to get it taken care of.

So I sat all weekend with a hole in my mouth.

Some good news: I did do some sewing this weekend but nothing was completed. Hopefully soon.

D Is For Dentistry

By the time you read this post I will be in a dentist's office finding out what they can do for a tooth that split apart last night.

The fact is, I was eating cheese popcorn but it happened with so little fanfare that I think it would have happened with anything. There was and has been no pain, I just suddenly tasted metal (my filling) and that was it. It even took a few minutes for me to find the fragment in my mouth. Basically because of the filling in the middle there wasn't much "tooth" left there anyway. Luckily, it was the back half of the tooth so I don't look any different. However, my tongue can't help seeking out the ragged edges of the exposed filling constantly.

I am writing this so that you can wish me luck that this will be a simple and hopefully reasonable fix for this. If not, I may have just bankrupt myself. Merry Christmas! I already hit my insurance cap this year and unless the cap for the dentistry part of my insurance is separate there's no more money until February 1. (VISA card, do you have any room left?)

I think they should warn you when you are getting low on coverage. "You have the equivalent of $300 left for the year, we at Aetna suggest that you forgo that next prescription and just take care of your flu symptoms at home with Advil. Thank you very much and have a nice day!"

I'm Ok...

and working on a few posts for you right now.

Sorry for the absence, we just got Fall here and my sinuses are not happy. I did do some sewing, but did a whole lot more sleeping, to tell you the truth.

Positively Toxic Smell!

When I left for work this morning I opened up a new shower curtain liner for the first time. Being a vinyl material I knew it would have a strong odor and was hoping it would do some major airing out/off-gassing while I was gone. However, when I opened it I was blown away with the extremely strong gasoline smell. I mean, strong enough that I started speeding up my morning routine to get out of there as fast as I could.

Tonight, it's the same; it smells exactly as if I was standing next to the unleaded pump filling up my car. I can't imagine using it tomorrow in a hot shower. I am sure my sinuses and my head would be messed up for the day.

This particular product is the Heavyweight Anti-Mildew vinyl shower curtain liner from Target's home collection(#3064 08 0694). The smell is mentioned in all the product reviews on the site. In fact, this one describes it exactly as I would:

"While indeed the weight of this liner is one of the heaviest I have found, it has an AWFUL Odor. Not the typical, gone in an hour "vinyl" shower curtain liner most of us have experienced type odor, but a very strong, petroleum/diesel fuel odor. It gave me a horrible headache, and is so bad that I had to close the door to my bathroom and run the exhaust fan and an air purifier. I even tried washing the liner in the washing machine with a little white vinegar. All that did was instantly rust the "rust proof" grommets, and the smell is only slightly less three days later. It is still all I can smell when in the shower. It really makes the product unusable."

I'm glad I wrote this AND read that review because I just walked over to it and realized I don't even want to touch it because of the smell. Therefore, I'm going to package it back up, wash my hands again, and take it back to the store. I hope they'll let me exchange it for their ethylene vinyl acetate (EVA) PVC-free ones, despite the $6 difference. If they try to give me a hard time, I'll just make them smell it! That smell CAN NOT not be good for your health!

Misc.

Updates:

• Finally finished stuffing two Wee Wonderful dolls. Their faces have to be sewn on tomorrow night as at least one will be delivered on Saturday at a baby shower.
• At said baby shower, I will be wearing my New York & Co. dress for the first time with my cordovan Clarks. Of course, I will try to get a picture for the blog.
• Spent some of last night hand sewing the hem on that "quick & easy" gray skirt. I shortened it four inches after I couldn't stand feeling frumpy in it. I wanted to wear it today so a quick sewing machine hem was done but as time goes by I will hand sew the hem bit by bit. The Philip Lim-inspired sash was finished a few days ago.
• My belly dance class is going great!
• Doctor's appointment #1 went well and I have a mammogram scheduled for Monday.
• Will try to get to the Anda dress. It is ridiculous that a simple dress like that is still not done. I just haven't had time to check the fit on me.
  
  
• If I opened an Etsy shop, selling different sewn accessory items and a few key clothing pieces, what do you think I should call it?
  

Ok, this is hard to post...

Two weeks ago I withdrew from my spring semester class, the History of Modern England.

I shouldn't have signed up for it in the first place. My last class (again with that horrid little man*) ended in a fiery crash & burn. I should have taken a break after that but I felt I couldn't "waste" the semester. You know since I've been "counting down" the credits till completion. But then that is exactly what I DID do.

I had no motivation to study and when I did do the readings there was no retention of what I read. And what was worse, no real guilt. Bad, really bad. I've been here before and that's not good at all.

What is really unfortunate is that I didn't come to this decision 4 or 5 weeks ago when I could have received a refund for at least a portion of my tuition (which I could use to pay on a credit card or a damn school loan!**) So let that be a $900 wake-up call to me. "Do not go back to school until you actually want to AND can succeed at it!!!!

I have a lot of work to do on myself now. I already feel better and making those doctors appointments were a step in the right direction. Hopefully, a new diet, some exercise (my class starts on Tuesday!), some kick-a-- pharmaceuticals, and some talk therapy will get me in shape so I can graduate sometime before the year 2525.


* He unfortunately teaches a large amount of the classes that I need to take. Arggghh!
** Since I wasn't signed up for part-time status (2 classes = 6 credits) I am already in repayment...an extra $180 a month I now have to pay.

Need an energy boost

Yesterday: I did a major Holly Hunter-Broadcast News* cry today on the way to a baby shower. Not good. Had attempted to complete some baby booties in time, but did not succeed.

 Update: Made bootie progress!

Today: Going to try on that New York & Co dress again (hey, it makes me feel good and maybe it will be on sale!) AND drop by Anthropologie for some free inspiration.

Update: I was stopped by the snow.

Monday: Must make appointments to see some body & mind doctors (long overdue New Year's goals) and sign up for a belly dance class for some needed social interaction and exercise. I met the instructor yesterday at the aforementioned baby shower. Hopefully, the doctors will work with me on my lethargy, nutrition, and depression issues and things can start looking up.

Update: Everything above was closed but I left messages and will call again tomorrow. To make up for this though, I did start my taxes online.

*After seeing the above-linked clip I remember how much I love that movie! Must see again soon.

Ciao for now...

Due to outside complications and the fact that I am having a doozy of an allergy attack (can't concentrate, have no energy) blogging at An Examined Life will be taking at least a week's rest. I hope it doesn't take much longer but I need to handle a few things (health, school, job, maybe an additional job(?) etc.)

If you miss me, then check out my blog roll. You'll never be bored with those folks. See you soon!

Hurry, Quick, Fast!

My bad. I should have mentioned this as soon as I found out about it.

PBS is allowing free viewing of Joanna Rudnick's documentary "In The Family" online until October 31, only two days away. It is Joanna's own story as a woman with a family history of breast cancer who chooses to get tested for BRCA, the "breast cancer gene."

The women in my family also have a history of breast cancer and my oldest sister already had herself tested. She does not have the gene. She told me about this film but I haven't viewed the one-hour film yet. I plan to do that tonight after class.

If you saw it when it originally aired on October 1st or if you choose to view it online in the next two days, let me know your thoughts, ok?