Mission: Accomplished!

While I've been away from the blog, I have tried numerous T-shirt muslins, contemplated making pants, been busy with two jobs, trying to build an actual social life, and oh, by the way, this happened...

B.A.- Art History 2012

Virginia Commonwealth University

Whew!

I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders but then the next day and then the next week happened. The combination of all that work, the anticipation, the fear of failure, and all the money spent is over in the time it takes you to walk across a stage in the Richmond Convention Center to receive a rolled-up sheet of blank paper.

Now, of course, I DO NOT regret the experience but I do regret the time and expense that went into this protracted 20+ year journey. If there is anything I can impart to college-age teenagers thinking about college is to finish it when you first get that chance. It only becomes harder to accomplish and more expensive to afford the longer you take. Take the opportunity before 1) you have to pay rent, 2) you parents are no longer willing to pay, and 3) you have to hold down a full-time job at the same time. Trust me.

Department of Education, Get Your Act Together!

It has been a while since I wrote here about my on-going college experience. I am in my last semester and May 12, 2012 will be a momentous day for me, but that's not what I'm writing about now.

The Department of Education has made changes to how I pay one of my school loans and it is causing trouble. For weeks I thought the frustration was just mine, but now I know it is affecting many and it needs to stop.

The issue: The Department of Education (DOE) made a business decision and handed over their management of the William D. Ford Federal Direct Loan program to an outside private company and they were not prepared. No official notice was sent from the website I had been using for almost a decade about the change, instead the new companies contacted me by email instructing me to now make my payments to them. Fishy!

The site I was automatically transferred to from the former official site http://www.dl.ed.gov/ was the Direct Loan Servicing Center, a private company. To log into their system I had to first create a new user name and password. Call me surprised when I get in and see the most basic of websites. I was sure I had just been had. Then I tried to access my payment history...they don't have it. WTF! How am I supposed to trust them if they didn't even get the archived data from the first company. At this point I was convinced I had been caught by a phishing scheme.

Luckily, I've found official confirmation that this was the right site, but I'm not happy and I am not alone. Note that there are 719 comments under that article and the majority are negative.

The other company that contacted me was Fedloan Servicing. They did the right thing and mailed me information that showed a connection to the Dept. of Ed and shows awareness of my past payments. They are also listed by the National Student Loan Data System as the guaranty for two of my loans and their website looks legit.

Department of Education, get it together, ok? You are dealing with the finances of people who came to you for help. Show due respect.

Update: Currently the Direct Loan Servicing Center (myedaccount) won't allow me to access my 1098-E form so I can complete my 2011 taxes. All of the PDF files are damaged. I tried to call them yesterday to get the info over the phone and their phone system was on the blitz, first it was cutting in and out and then it dropped all my subsequent calls. My email to them received a general response saying someone would contact me. I'll keep you updated on when that happens.

Ok, this is hard to post...

Two weeks ago I withdrew from my spring semester class, the History of Modern England.

I shouldn't have signed up for it in the first place. My last class (again with that horrid little man*) ended in a fiery crash & burn. I should have taken a break after that but I felt I couldn't "waste" the semester. You know since I've been "counting down" the credits till completion. But then that is exactly what I DID do.

I had no motivation to study and when I did do the readings there was no retention of what I read. And what was worse, no real guilt. Bad, really bad. I've been here before and that's not good at all.

What is really unfortunate is that I didn't come to this decision 4 or 5 weeks ago when I could have received a refund for at least a portion of my tuition (which I could use to pay on a credit card or a damn school loan!**) So let that be a $900 wake-up call to me. "Do not go back to school until you actually want to AND can succeed at it!!!!

I have a lot of work to do on myself now. I already feel better and making those doctors appointments were a step in the right direction. Hopefully, a new diet, some exercise (my class starts on Tuesday!), some kick-a-- pharmaceuticals, and some talk therapy will get me in shape so I can graduate sometime before the year 2525.


* He unfortunately teaches a large amount of the classes that I need to take. Arggghh!
** Since I wasn't signed up for part-time status (2 classes = 6 credits) I am already in repayment...an extra $180 a month I now have to pay.

Need an energy boost

Yesterday: I did a major Holly Hunter-Broadcast News* cry today on the way to a baby shower. Not good. Had attempted to complete some baby booties in time, but did not succeed.

 Update: Made bootie progress!

Today: Going to try on that New York & Co dress again (hey, it makes me feel good and maybe it will be on sale!) AND drop by Anthropologie for some free inspiration.

Update: I was stopped by the snow.

Monday: Must make appointments to see some body & mind doctors (long overdue New Year's goals) and sign up for a belly dance class for some needed social interaction and exercise. I met the instructor yesterday at the aforementioned baby shower. Hopefully, the doctors will work with me on my lethargy, nutrition, and depression issues and things can start looking up.

Update: Everything above was closed but I left messages and will call again tomorrow. To make up for this though, I did start my taxes online.

*After seeing the above-linked clip I remember how much I love that movie! Must see again soon.

End of the year meme

When I first saw that new meme here and here, I became discouraged. I was so sure I would come up short. However, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Instead of listing all 99 things in the meme, I'm only listing the ones I've done (in bold type) and the ones that I want to do.


1. Started your own blog- TWO!

12. Visited Paris - Can I substitute Italy, which I have a better chance of seeing soon?

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - knitting and sewing.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - Doesn't everyone for their my mental health?

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

35. Seen an Amish community

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - for two short months, then I lost my job!

41. Sung karaoke – I'm sure I have but can't remember the details. I guess that could be a good thing?

47. Had your portrait painted - I had my portrait photographed twice; once for work and once as a birthday gift.

52. Kissed in the rain - will get on this as soon as I find a willing participant!

53. Played in the mud - When a child, I made many a mud pie.

55. Been in a movie

57. Started a business - one day...one day

60. Served at a soup kitchen - want to do this so bad, 2009 will be the year!

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma – once, the one time in my life I wasn't anemic or borderline anemic. Must work on that

67. Bounced a check - Luckily always with bank protection - so only my bank knows.

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy - Many have been saved and all are at my dad's house still.

71. Eaten Caviar – not a fan.

72. Pieced a quilt - WANT TO DO SO BAD!

75. Been fired from a job - Yes, but then they gave me a going-away party at my favorite restaurant and a $200 gift certificate to IKEA. Confused? Me too. Still.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle – with a sadistic friend who liked to see me scared.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person - when I was fourteen in 111 degree temperature (but it was a dry heat)

84. Had your picture in the newspaper - Twice: in seventh grade as part of an after school program and when I was 28 as a new hire in the Business section.

90. Sat on a jury - many times, including two murder trials.

91. Met someone famous - Bill Irwin, Leonard Maltin, Tony Curtis, Amy Van Dyken, Jo Dee Messina, Vince Gill, and even a contestant* from the debut season of The Bachelorette (Yes, all but the first one were job-related.)

93. Lost a loved one - many, and there are many ways to lose someone besides death.

98. Owned a cell phone.

Twenty-one out of ninety-nine items on the list means that I have a lot more to accomplish in the year(s) to come.

*Charlie Maher

Employment and Self Esteem

The job I had at the beginning of this year eroded my self esteem by asking less than I was capable of giving, causing lethargy, and stagnant thought.

However, having no job here at the end of the year is also effecting my self-esteem, by denying me a way to prove my usefulness, intelligence, and talent.

I need to find a way to keep my self esteem separate from my employment status.

It shouldn't be based on:

1. whether I have a job or not;
2. if that job challenges me or not;
3. or whether my employers act ethically or not*.

It's sad, but after studying my past that's the only way its going to work.

This is definitely a year I can't wait to see in my rear view window.


*A former boss altered several junior executives' manuscripts; "rewriting" them before submission to the printer on a government contract. Luckily, the company's copy editor discovered that the rewriting consisted of inserting plagiarized material . No formal apology was ever made to those junior executives and this person was later made a vice president of the company. Of course, by that time, none of those junior executives were still employed there.

I Must Not Should Myself...

I must not should myself...

I must not should myself...

" "

I realized a few weeks ago that every thing on my To-Do list is a should instead of a want.

Sometimes I'm so involved in thinking of all the things I need to get done that I overburden my mind before I can even start and end up paralyzing myself.

No wonder I feel exhausted and overwhelmed even though nothing seems to be getting done.

Just a few highlights of the never ending list:

• Get a job to sustain myself after 9 months of loan-supported freedom.
• Get great grades in this semester's Grad school-level class.
• Learn HTML and CSS in order to update my blogs and to add those skills to my resume.
• Volunteer for more organizations. (finally made a Habitat for Humanity orientation meeting!)
• Put up ten birch shelves in the living room.
• Put up 20 or more pictures on my walls.
• Make two shirts, 3 dresses, and hem 3 pairs of pants.
• Paint a table, one armoire, and one bedroom dresser.
• De-clutter all of my closets and get rid of unneeded items.
  

The sad thing is a lot of the home items on the list are from last year's list. Every time I remove something from last year's list, I don't feel that it is an accomplishment, it is more often accompanied by a ‘Whew, that’s done, check it off the list, on to the next one!’ I can't seem to enjoy it as something that I actually wanted to do instead of something I HAD to do.

So what is it that I actually WANT?

1. Make more friends in town.
2. Obtain a job that challenges me and that I enjoy.
3. Find time for a man I like and that likes me.
4. ...oh yeah, finish up my degree. You know, the whole reason I moved back to this city in the first place.

Past job highlights: Meeting Galliano!

I am applying for jobs in event planning again after a break of three years. I was so burnt out I thought I would never do it again, which was a shame since I loved it and was great at it (probably because I loved it). A post on Casapinka reminded me of one of the great experiences I had in that phase of my career. This one was a doozy.

A couple of year ago, when I was in public relations, I worked a big fundraising event in New York for a very worthwhile charity involving women and microfinance. Surprisingly, Vogue magazine contacted us to arrange a table for Anna Wintour and guests! You have no idea how giddy this made me. No one else in the office was as impressed though.

So working at the sign-in table with about 10 young DC women, I was the only person who recognized the designer John Galliano,(!) when he arrived. Now if you have seen him before you know that a lot (well, most) times he looks like a strung-out street junkie. Well, he did not disappoint that night either. He wore a VERY loosely woven macramé vest, calf-length khaki pants and sandals...in April! In fact, even I would say that combination of his extreme tan, smarmy Dali-like mustache, eyeliner, and his waist-length uncombed hair, gave him the look of a person who probably smelled bad. He, however, was escorted by the incredibly gorgeous and classy Anh Duong.

I have a magazine spread on her from 10 years ago in one of my fashion scrapbooks and she looked exactly the same!

At sign-in, I had almost missed them. I arrived just in time to see some of the girls look around as if they had no idea what to do next. They could not find his seat arrangements. (I've always had the feeling that they were not even trying, instead thinking he was a gatecrasher because of his appearance.) That's when I came to the rescue. Seriously.

I walked up to table, found their packets immediately, welcomed them, handed them their materials, and wished them a great evening, all without ever consulting the guest list or asking "the girls" what the problem was. The "girls" probably hated me but they were making the company look bad. I could tell from the look on his face that he thought they were idiots. I don't remember getting a thank you from either guest, but that doesn't matter. I still say I met J. Galliano and Anh Duong and that I made part of their evening better.

I sure showed up those DC chicks who had been trying to change my sign-in system from the minute they got there. I guess I showed them that it wasn't the system's problem, didn't I?

Of course, I spent the rest of the evening explaining to all the organization higher-ups who Galliano was too. If only I could have instructed everyone working the event to stop making that face when looking at him. I was probably the only person who treated him with respect the whole night, and that event was supposed to be a benefit. He probably did not give a dime. Would you blame him?*


*Actually I would, but it wouldn't make as good of a story.

The Convenient Conveyance

BC-05 Deluxe Women's Beach Cruiser $135

I have already mentioned this bike. However, I was only thinking of how beautiful it was, not how practical or intelligent of a choice it would be to buy one. Of course, it would be best if you found one used and recycled it but if you aren't lucky enough to find one of these secondhand, I say try Chubby's One-Stop Cruiser Shop. I will probably buy my next bike from them. They have incredible retro designs in all the luscious retro colors, and their bikes aren't expensive at all, while Schwinn is now selling retro cruisers like this and this for $260 to $480.

Now, you may have seen this lovely lace-inspired bike basket all over the blogosphere. It's lovely but how serious is it for hard-core shopping. If you really want to use your bike as an alternative to your car you will need something larger. I suggest something like this:

a twin rear rack basket, popularly known as a newspaper carrier basket.

In college, I used to have an old blue Schwinn with a basket like this one. It was the handiest thing ever. I could ride my bike to buy groceries or do my laundry because I had a place to put everything. No matter the weight, if you had it equally distributed, the whole thing worked like a charm. It also didn't hurt that the Fan area in Richmond is scattered with coin laundromats and little neighborhood markets, so that smaller but frequent trips were no bother.

They still make these baskets and hopefully they will become popular again as people try to use their cars less. This company, Wald, is the main manufacturer. If you have a bike that you use for errands, check them out. Besides this style, they also have folding ones that don't take up as much room when empty.

So, what happened to my great bike you ask?

The stupidity of youth happened. I left it when I packed up and moved to Northern Virginia. In fact, I left it attached to my building's metal railing with a Kryptonite lock. I shirked responsibility for my belongings and someone had to go to the trouble to have it removed. Now I wish I had just stored it at my Dad's house.

C'est la vie.

Myspace friends or foes?

A few years ago, I moved back to Richmond from Northern VA. I initially signed myself up on Myspace.com in order to keep up on a favorite local band. This was before I even knew it was a big thing with preteens and teenagers.

I put my picture up and some information about myself. Well, that was like beaming a neon WELCOME sign to all freaks. I had to log in, check out, and deny so many friend requests, it was crazy. I eventually replaced my picture with some clip art and deleted all the personal information from my site.

Unfortunately, someone was still able to track me down. Now people from my first round of living here are contacting me on a daily basis. These are the same people I have not heard from in 9 to 17 years! We parted company with no pretense about keeping in touch. So now they all seem to care how I am. My belief is that they just want to find out if I gained weight or look older than they do.

It's funny how time also makes some people forget that their past behavior towards you was so bad that they probably should not try to contact you as if nothing had happened. However, I still got that e-mail today. It is from someone whose last communication with me consisted of them hearing my voice on the phone and hanging up on me*. Now 9 years later, they want to be one of my "friends" on Myspace?!!

Right now, I don't know what I will do about this e-mail. I'm going to take a few days to think about it for a while.

*Just so you know; they were clearly in the wrong and I was calling to give them the chance to explain. They tried to take advantage of a very vulnerable situation with no compassion or respect for the two people involved.

Everyone loves Morrissey

Where have I been?

Did you know that there is a huge Morrissey fan scene in California, among Latino youth?

Did you know that there was a huge Morrissey fan scene?

I became a fan of The Smiths in college. However, I didn't know until last night that they actually broke up the same year that I discovered them. That's the kind of fan I am. I love the music, but I don't necessarily have to keep up on the artists themselves. Sometimes, that works to your advantage and then there is no chance that their real personalities or proclivities can disillusion you.

But after watching William E. Jones documentary Is It Really So Strange? (2004) at the ADA Gallery, I saw that many of these young fans don't take that approach. Some comments made it seems as if they were talking about a religious figure, saying that when everything seems to be going wrong, 'HE is always there' or you can always 'depend on HIM'. Creepy.

There was some unintentional humor in the film (well, I don't think it was intended) where a member of the Smiths/Morrissey tribute band, Sweet & Tender Hooligans, spoke about his attraction to Morrissey's music alongside his dad. Having him do the interview with his dad was strange enough but it was hilarious seeing his father's facial reactions throughout the interview. The filmmaker kept them in a wide two-person shot so that you could catch every slight grimace, intake/outtake of air, or raised eyebrow that the man made in response to his son's declarations about the music, the man, and whether or not Morrissey was gay or celibate.

It a good film to see, it says a lot about how it is and was to be a teenager trying to find something that seemed to relate to what you were going through at the time. I know that I used Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me and Asleep to mend a few broken hearts and lift me up whenever I felt I wasn't worth anything. They always made me feel better, because after listening, I always realized that things really weren't that bad.

However, for Morrissey as a solo act, I never listened to him again. Apparently, it was his mournful sound contrasted with the usually more upbeat jingle jangly guitar of Johnny Marr that was my real attraction. I remember feeling that Morrissey wasn't a sincere individual, too tied up in building a particular image. So I guess I did find out too much about him as a person after all. Hmmm...

Yes, I haven't talked about school lately, but everything is fine.

It was just a bit hectic these last two weeks, registering for my summer and fall semesters. I am going to attempt two classes this summer, one in the first half (5 wks) and another in the last half (5 wks) That will give me 6 credits right there.

Then in the fall I will go back to one night class. While I loved attending class in the daytime, I did not like the schedule with my job. (My idea, of course, no one else is to blame.)

I would go into work for an hour/hour and a half, go to class, come back to finish the work day + make up the time used for my travel to and from class. So after living this crazy schedule during the summer, I will take classes before and after work from now on.

Here are some pictures of my campus. VCU alum beware, I will be showing pictures of the dining hall that required the destruction of our dear, dear, Shafer Court.



For those of you that did not attend our li'l university, Shafer Court was the social hub of the school, it's heart. Situated in front of the cafeteria and next to the library, almost everyone would pass through this area...and stop.

It was also the site of our great free Friday concerts. They'd pull in the beer truck, rope the area off, and it would be great. If you didn't like the band that week you would still show up, if only to see and be seen, or to find out what parties were happening later that night. We had some great bands play there, from local favorites to national acts: House of Freaks, Fugazi, GWAR, and Red Hot Chili Peppers right when they hit it big. (Anthony K. went to high school with one of the girls on the committee, or something like that. I knew her roommate, I just don't remember the details.)

When I came back to school and saw that it was gone, I felt outraged. I had been receiving all this alumni mail, but not one mentioned it.

"Oh by the way, we are destroying the one place that holds the best memories of your time at our school, and we still need your donations to help pay for us to demolish even more memories."

Here is the new dorm that they put up next to the one where I lived freshman year. I have fond memories of that dorm. For one, I am still friends with my first ever roommate. She's a great gal, talented, with great taste in music, and an even cooler sense of style. Who knows who I would be if I did not meet her then. Thank you, Sandster! (an early shoutout for your upcoming B-day)

...and this is why I moved back...

Today was the day!

I officially handed in my Grade Exclusion form. This is the piece of the paper; that once it is processed and approved; will justify my current existence in Richmond, VA. This document holds the titles of six classes I took between 1987 and 1991. . . and failed.

Once these grades are expunged, I can truly start over. They happened for a reason, like everything in life, but I'll feel much better when they're gone. Knowing that when I was younger I was so apathetic or depressed or whatever that I could not make myself withdraw from these classes when I still could, is something that I have beat myself up about for years.

In a few days or a week, I will be able to check my transcript and see a vastly improved GPA. That borderline B/C student from almost 20 years ago can now become an A/B student (or better!) over night.

Don't ever let anyone tell you it's too late to change your future.