This is not the person I thought I was or ever wanted to be and I desperately don't want to give that other girl up. However, this is my life now and I don't know how to get out of it. The goal of saving money to return to my life will not be possible with this job, not with how much I'm making in salary and not being able to work a full-time schedule. Even though I'm no longer paying $740 a month in rent I'm still not making any headway in paying off any outstanding bills. I know it's only been one month of paychecks but after seven months of deferments and IOUs I can do the math. (Yes, family, I actually can.)
Moving here to save money was another wrong decision made within a two-year period of wrong decisions. Maybe if there were comparable jobs here, but there are not. I should have fought, scratched, and begged to stay in Richmond, sold all my stuff and just slept on friends couches and such. What I've lost living here in terms of self-esteem, physical/mental health, and positivity is devastating. I feel like I fell down a well.
Today, I attempted to sew my Moss but have no reason to own a new skirt because there is no where to wear it, therefore, I feel weird finishing up my summer wardrobe. Where and when am I going to wear this stuff? I've never been 'here' before in my life. Everything is so negative and I'm unable to see a silver lining in the future. It's getting harder and harder to believe that my life will improve anytime soon. I'm sorry to be so negative but I was actually so much better off a year ago; however, at that time, I thought I was miserable, Ha!
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