Mission: Accomplished!

While I've been away from the blog, I have tried numerous T-shirt muslins, contemplated making pants, been busy with two jobs, trying to build an actual social life, and oh, by the way, this happened...

B.A.- Art History 2012

Virginia Commonwealth University

Whew!

I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders but then the next day and then the next week happened. The combination of all that work, the anticipation, the fear of failure, and all the money spent is over in the time it takes you to walk across a stage in the Richmond Convention Center to receive a rolled-up sheet of blank paper.

Now, of course, I DO NOT regret the experience but I do regret the time and expense that went into this protracted 20+ year journey. If there is anything I can impart to college-age teenagers thinking about college is to finish it when you first get that chance. It only becomes harder to accomplish and more expensive to afford the longer you take. Take the opportunity before 1) you have to pay rent, 2) you parents are no longer willing to pay, and 3) you have to hold down a full-time job at the same time. Trust me.

A Vow of No Sewing

Yes.

This is not an excuse but a conscious decision - I have a paper due on Monday and a final exam on May 7. Most decidedly, there will be no sewing until next week and then only minimal amounts. I will dole out the sewing minutes like a miser.

However, I have reserved the right to pop into the blog if something noteworthy comes up...

Thank You!

Thank you for the virtual hugs, I really appreciate the support.

Well, I sadly realized I wasn't in shock...I just wasn't surprised by the situation. The last two years have been bad in terms of forward momentum (none) and achieving goals (slow-going). Just as I think I'm almost done with school - BAMM! - two more classes.

Which really is more of a problem than it seems. I already knew I would have to take another loan to pay for the Spring semester but now I have to add the cost of three more classes to that amount. I also have learned that two classes at a time with a full-time job is extremely difficult and there's no way I could do three. My original plan was to do two in the Spring. My college has a summer semester where all the classes are at a set time 5 days a week in 4 to 5 week sessions. Hey, do other colleges do this? The only time I was able to participate in this system was when I was either unemployed or two years ago when an employer allowed me to cut my hours down to 35 per week. I think that is the only way I could even attempt to do this again. However, this time it would be all summer long in order to fit three classes and I have a job which barely allows me to pay my bills each month as it is.

So that's my dilemma. I need to work to pay for them but I need less work to study for them or to even attend them. So, I'm polishing up the resume (alongside all the newly laid-off people in my town.) Woo hoo, this is going to be fun.

Can you sense how much I want this to be over?

Ok, what now?!

I am in shock.

Complete shock. You don't want to be around when it wears off either. I don't even want to be around.

At 1PM this afternoon I had a meeting with the dean of my department/my advisor about my upcoming graduation next semester.

I have met with him many times before and we have filled out this same graduation check-off sheet every time.

...Uggh, just telling this story is going to be a pain...

Backstory: I am finishing a long-delayed undergraduate degree so that I can have a feeling of completion, and perhaps enable me to justify a higher salary in the future. (Yes, I know that a Graduate degree might not even do that, but every bit counts, right?)

During my college career, I originally was working toward a degree in Painting and Printmaking. [Note: The following sentence is very important.] Halfway through my Sophomore year in 1989, I decided to switch to Art History and all those introductory drawing, painting, and photography classes became general electives, over 20 credits worth.

After a hiatus of 10+ years I returned to school and marshaled some past credits and some new ones acquired at a community college into an AA degree. Once that was accomplished I returned to my old school in 2004 to finish that Art History degree, believing that it wouldn't take that long, even on part-time status. At least it would be better than starting all over with a new major and losing most of those completed credits.

I walked into my meeting today, mistakenly having the idea that I only needed two, maybe three more classes in order to graduate. One History and two more Art History classes.

My advisor agreed with me that both numerically (I have the requisite 120 credits for my major) and categorically (I have the 15 credits of History, the 15 credits of Foreign Language, the 6...etc.) I have what it takes to graduate.

However, [Note: first time anyone has mentioned this] out of the 45 courses required at the 300 and above level, I have only achieved 30 of those. I still need 15 credits of classes. The three classes I was prepared to take in the Spring will only count for 9 of those credits. Therefore, I still need to take two MORE classes.

How did this happen?

Those damn electives, that's how!! Those electives that take up space on my transcripts count for nothing in this particular regard because they are only 100 or 200 level introductory classes. I have so many (too many) superfluous classes on my transcript! And now I have to take TWO MORE classes in ANYTHING (yes, that's what my advisor said, it doesn't matter what) just as long as they are categorized as 300 and above in order to graduate. Why couldn't anyone have pointed that out to me before this, my second to last semester?

So there's no question that I will just have to buckle down and take five more classes.

Of course, this again delays my graduation, my moving out of Richmond, and what is starting to feel like the beginning of my new "personal life-allowed" life.

I was given the unique option that the University DOES ALLOW in that I could march at May Commencement as long as I then completed those six credits in the summer. At this point, doesn't that seems like the most depressing thing, second only to not graduating at all? How can you throw your hat up in the air, when in the back of your mind runs the all familiar refrain, 'so what is going to happen NOW to keep this from becoming a reality?'

I want a hug.

A BIG hug.

Is my math really right?

At least by my calculations, I only have three more classes to take to graduate. Two History and one Art History class for a total of 9 credits.

I am having a hard time believing that my goal is so close; only one (or two) more semester(s)!

Going back to school as adult began in summer of 2003 and may be done by summer of 2009. Wow.

It's been such a big part of my life for so long. At times, it's been the reason I used for not fully living my life sometimes: such as the reason why I wasn't dating, wasn't sewing, wasn't calling my family or friends, the reason I couldn't go out and most of all, the reason why I had no money. To no longer have that as a shield means I'll have to step up on everything and put myself out there.

Ugggh...I'm scared.

Career and Creativity Resolutions

Last year, I made a great decision. I quit a job that was stagnating my brain and denying me a workable schedule to continue my part-time education. I borrowed enough money: to complete my remaining college education on a full-time basis, supply myself with a laptop computer, and if money was leftover, help fund my graduation trip to Italy to see my friends and goddaughters who are living there. The missing piece of the plan was that I needed to supplement the loan money with a part-time job, at some point.

However, that great plan did not work out. I fully take responsibility for that. The signs were there, I just didn't take them seriously. I did not acquire that part-time job, the money went faster than desired, and now I would do best getting a full-time job.

However, through my last college course and the work I completed, I realized what my interests have been hinting at for years...I know what field I want to work in. Historic Preservation and Neighborhood Revitalization. I also know that I want to start that career here, in Richmond.

1. Actively network, self-educate, volunteer, and pursue a career in the Historic Preservation field.

I guess when you start to think everything is utterly hopeless, you are forced to fight your fears in ways you never had the guts to before.

• A mass email, including my resume, was sent to friends and colleagues in town explaining my work situation.
• Friends working for large corporations suggested the staffing agencies they use (ones that appreciate people might need a more livable wage.) I joined and they have already called me.
  
• A pick-your-brain request to a supportive professor may have resulted in possible paid intern work inside the field!
• I volunteered myself to help a loved neighborhood complete their nomination to the National Register of Historic Places in order to be designated a Historic District. So looking forward to this!
  

I have also started getting more aggressive in the blogosphere. Hopefully, in the next months you will see more changes both here and on SHELTER.

2. Enhance look, expand content, and increase traffic on both blogs.

• I joined BlogHer months ago but I want to become more active, in fact I would love to attend the conference in '08.
• I want to commission (by trading services) friends of mine to design specific looks for my blogs.
• Most definitely, I want to increase traffic to the sites.
• Perhaps, add a retail component to SHELTER?
  

Most of all, I want to stop downplaying the things that I feel I do well. If I want to succeed in anything, well, I need to believe in myself most of all.

So I did reenroll for the fall semester...

I was still upset that I might not be able to take the Art History department’s Historic Preservation class before I graduate. Using the VCU site's search option I stumbled upon URSP 517 Historic Preservation in Planning offered by the L. Douglas Wilder School of Government and Public Affairs. The great thing about this class is that the textbook, Historic Preservation: An Introduction to its History, Principles, and Practice by Norman Tyler, was written by a professor in this field and has been used as a textbook in preservation programs around the country. This textbook can actually be called an investment, unlike the many others that I have and cannot sell back.

So I have enrolled in this class and it starts this Wednesday at 7PM. The only thing that has me worried is that it is a 500-level class. I still have not taken one of them in my own major.

I still will also try to get into that one Art History class that starts in the evening at 5:30 pm. Because it starts pretty early it might still be an issue for an employer, but as I don't have an employer yet...

Where I am right now

Yesterday I was no longer enrolled at VCU for the Fall semester. But don't panic, because today I am back. Many factors led to that first decision:

Factor 1
In order to graduate I need to complete seven classes: three History classes (in any subject) and four Art History classes (three in specific time periods and one as an elective.) Way back in April, I enrolled for three classes in the Fall; 1 European History and 2 Art History classes.

In the time between then and now, two of those art History classes were canceled.

I had specific reasons for those two classes. One I wanted to retake to get a better grade and the other one was a class in Historic Preservation, which is what I want to get into after I graduate. I will either take it in Graduate school or complete a certificate program.

Factor 2
My financial resources are running out and I need to get a job. The classes I had originally signed up for were evening classes so there would have been no problem.

The other classes that I could substitute for the canceled ones are mostly held in the daytime, so not very conducive for a job.

My European History class was not canceled.

However, the class times are 9-9:30 AM Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. I don't think an employer or a temp agency will accept that schedule from a new hire.

At this point I just about gave up. My only possible solution is if I can convince the teacher of the one Art History class meeting at night to let me into her already full class. The class does not meet until next Monday so I'll just have to wait and see.


Tomorrow: Part 2- Why I enrolled again

My secret...revealed

I moved back to Richmond two years ago to complete my college degree.

I have continued taking classes, arranging them around my full-time job. I originally chose a job that would not encroach on my free time so that I could devote that time to study. I also took 1) a step back down the career ladder, in terms of responsibility, autonomy, and not to mention 2) a 25% salary cut! Though they were flexible last summer with my school schedule and allowed me to work reduced hours during a 10-week time, they informed me that they no longer want to do that and I must schedule all my future classes after normal work hours. Well, during that summer semester I received the best grades of my time here in Richmond and it was because I didn't feel compromised.

Remember, the job is the means for my true end goal; a college degree. Sacrificing school for this job fills me with resentment.

Since I am very close to graduation, the number of classes I am required to take is very small and selective. They are not offered as frequently as introductory classes. This semester I have the chance to take three classes that are only offered during the Spring semesters. Well, I had hoped to graduate next spring in 2008.

Having to give up these classes and hoping I can take them next year has caused me a lot of distress. I know the job is not worth it, there is no hope for advancement and definitely no way of getting a 25% raise.

For months now I have been talking with my counselor and therapist about quitting my job and attending school full-time. I know this is the right thing to do, to totally devote myself to school and prove to myself that I can succeed at this finally. My biggest dream is to bring up my grades and graduate with honors! What I've been able to accomplish while working full-time is not going to cut it. But again I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of putting faith in myself, even though I have done it before. I excelled when I completed my Associates degree, received my best grades ever, made Dean's list, and graduated with Honors. I knew myself then; how much time I needed to study and what the best conditions for that were. However, the nearer it comes to becoming reality the more terrified I am. Why?

I think it's because of the job. I am no longer challenged and I observe bad decision making, ineffective, and inefficient work procedures day in and day out all the while keeping my mouth shut. Over time, this seems to have dulled my self confidence.

I am getting a part-time job, the University's health plan, and I have looked into loans that I would definitely get because I have great credit. I skirted around the subject with my family during the holidays and it doesn't seem like there will be support for this decision from them, but I can't not do this. Others who know more in detail what I want out of life are behind me though.

I just recently saw a doctor because of a continuing stomach pain. He warned me of a possible ulcer and after hearing me recount what was going on in my life he actually said, "If I could write a prescription for you to quit your job, I would" Can you believe that? He was serious, and so is everyone else I tell my tale. At least I'm learning. With one job, sitting in a ladies room stall crying in the middle of the day a few times a week was normal. (That was a VERY BAD job for the psyche)

At this moment I am enrolled in two required classes (only offered in the daytime) and two easily rescheduled classes offered as night classes. My future in this job is the only thing that holds me back on my decision. If I pick the classes that make my job happy I will not only resent the job more but would end up hating myself. I've been here before and "health insurance" is not the best reason to keep a job. I want my degree so that I can have more options on what I can do for a living in the future. If I allowed the "temporary" job to trump my education because of fear, then I probably would never have the future I want anyways.

So wish me luck.

(Whew, this feels so much better! I've been wanting to write about this for months but was scared what naysayers would say if I recorded doubts and didn't seem to have it all planned out. I promise to be more forthcoming with the few of you who do read this blog. And if you are reading, this would be a great time to let me know. Thanks.)